Taking Care of Your Mental Health as a New Mom
Disclaimer: All content within this blog post is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice and should not be relied upon as any sort of health or personal advice. Please be sure to seek the guidance of your doctor or health professional with any questions you may have regarding your health or any medical conditions.
Trigger warning: Mentions of sensitive topics such as miscarriage, depression, anxiety, and birth trauma.
Becoming a mom has been one of the greatest joys of my life. It has opened my heart to emotions I didn’t even know existed, and has shown me depths of love I didn’t think were possible. I couldn’t possibly put into words the array of feelings I have experienced throughout my motherhood journey. Along with that however, has come challenges I never expected, and a whole host of moments where I questioned what I was doing and if I was doing any of this right.
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I want to take some time to recognize all that goes on in a new mother’s world, and focus specifically on the mental health aspect of this unique time in a mother’s life. Mainly because I believe that it is so incredibly important to be talking about this stuff. The journey into motherhood can often feel isolating and lonely. In sharing a small piece of my story, my hope is that other moms will know they are not alone in this - That their feelings are valid, and that it is more than okay to talk about it all.
I was never fully prepared for the mental load that motherhood would bring when I entered into this new identity. Trying to learn all of these new things about this brand new little being, and myself, was overwhelming at times. Add on top of that, the roller coaster of hormones that takes place in your body after giving birth; I was mentally and physically exhausted at all times, to say the least. In the newborn stage, I remember feeling like it was a success just to make it through each day, still in one piece.
With time, I learned more about what worked and what didn’t with my daughter, and we got into a groove over the months. But after some time, I noticed that my mental health was taking a huge hit. I thought I could handle her unexpected feeding challenges and all that was involved with that, but I was barely sleeping or eating well myself anymore. It crept in slowly enough that I didn’t recognize it at first. I brushed it off as ‘normal’ new mom stuff, and tried to ignore it.
But then it got to a point where I was barely functioning as a human, and knew in my gut that something needed to change.
I waited far longer than I care to admit, but I decided I finally needed to get some help. It wasn’t until after my daughter turned one, that I reached out to my doctor and voiced my concerns. As nervous as I was to admit it, I talked with her about my postpartum anxiety and how it was affecting every area of my daily life. She suggested I speak with a psychiatrist, and referred me to a clinic. But then as a last minute thought, she also suggested that I might want to look into getting my thyroid levels checked. As ‘out of left field’ as this seemed to me, I will forever be grateful to her, as this was a life-changing suggestion. After a series of tests and doctor visits, I discovered that I actually had an auto-immune disorder and hyperthyroidism. What changed the game for me at that point was getting on a low-dose thyroid medication, making lifestyle and dietary changes, and speaking with a counselor who specializes in working with new moms. I am so glad that I made the decision that day to reach out for help, as it brought so many positive changes to both my life as well as my daughters’.
Fast forward to when I was pregnant with my second daughter; I started experiencing feelings that were completely unexpected. I ended up going through a few months of perinatal depression during that time. Although I was familiar with depression and anxiety in general, as I had experienced them several times throughout my life prior to this, it had been a while since I had had these feelings, and it took me by surprise.
My whole pregnancy with my youngest daughter was quite different than with my first, from a mental standpoint. I had previously suffered two losses during the year prior to this, and I didn’t allow myself to feel joy about this pregnancy to the extent that I had with my first. Every day felt like a waiting game for something bad to happen, and it was incredibly hard to walk though.
Then, at 35 weeks pregnant, I went into labor with my second daughter; much earlier than anticipated. I remember my whole experience at the hospital vividly, both before and after giving birth. During my entire 26 hours of labor, and the time following delivery; I. Was. Terrified. The thought of something happening to my miracle baby was too much for my heart and brain to handle. I couldn’t comprehend what was going on with my body and my baby, and had never felt more scared and helpless in my life.
We later found out from the doctor who delivered her, that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around her neck twice. My body was trying to protect both of us by trying to get her out in time. (I am forever in awe of how this all played out.) After delivery, I didn’t get to hold my baby girl for the first time until a few hours later. As soon as she was born, she was immediately rushed to the NICU; where she would spend the next few weeks of her life being hooked up to machines and sleeping inside of an incubator to sustain her.
To be quite frank, the whole experience, including the following weeks, was traumatic for me; and I am still processing parts of it to this day. Over the last couple of years, I have opened up about this story to a couple close friends, and took the time to process how it has affected me and my family. I am so appreciative of the friends who have walked with me through this and offered their encouragement and a shoulder to cry on. I am also working my way through a birth trauma course, taking it at a pace that feels right for where I’m at and my current mental state. And whenever I am feeling especially anxious or triggered, I reach out to my therapist.
Since that experience, I have learned to recognize the times when my mental health is starting to suffer, and I am now more proactive in taking appropriate measures earlier on before things progress. I am more attuned to my own needs, mentally and physically, and I address those as soon as I am able. Being aware of these things has been a game-changer for my own mental wellness, as well as my family’s.
I tell you all this, because I want to reiterate the fact that it’s okay to talk about the hard stuff. There is no shame in being open and real with people, and to express what’s going on. If I could go back and tell my ‘new mom’ self some things that I think would have really helped her, it would be this:
It’s okay to ask for help. You should never feel guilty for reaching out to do so, because it could be life-saving. Postpartum depression, anxiety, and the many other mental health conditions are real. You are NOT making these things up. Talk to someone you trust, who will take you seriously and listen to your concerns. Prioritizing your mental health, especially in this season, is so important for you AND your child. You are never inconveniencing someone by talking about this stuff. It is crucial that you take care of yourself, as it is not something to ignore!
And to further emphasize how important taking care of your mental health in early motherhood and beyond is, (and so you also know that you are far from alone), I asked a few friends of mine to offer their own input as well. Here is what they had to say:
“Give yourself grace and prioritize what YOU need versus the noise from others. Take time to be in the moment and a part of it, leave the distractions to the side. Find momma friends who you can be authentically you and honest with, lean into those relationships. Remember the power of movement and the outdoors, clearing your headspace does wonders for everyone. You are never alone, cherished momma… we are proud of you!”
- Amanda, mom of one
“I found that surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself and your motherhood journey is key to keeping your mental health strong.”
- Noelle, mom of one
“Having a therapist or counselor is awesome, and if you can establish a relationship with a therapist before you have your baby, do it. The time you put into that relationship is so worth it, and you don't have to be in crisis mode to see a counselor. I've been seeing a therapist for 2 years and it was so nice to have some appointments scheduled for right after baby came so we could check in and I could vent, cry, complain, ask questions, and get encouragement. When you feel utterly exhausted after having a baby, it's extremely hard to start new routines, so start before baby arrives.”
- Alyssa, mom of two
“One of my biggest tips for new moms regarding their mental health would be to take a break from social media. Even if it's a small break, taking a step back from social platforms can help prevent moms from comparing themselves to others. Because new moms spend a lot of time wondering if they are doing everything right, it's beneficial to remove the 'highlight reel' that can get overwhelming in social media feeds.”
- Rachel - Blog: www.gladtobemama.com
“Postpartum depression can slip into your days with little warning. What at first can look like a season of transitioning into life with a newborn with days melting into nights can soon become a weighty fog that’s difficult to shake. Don’t ignore it. You deserve support in this season.
Look for the light. As days turn into nights that slowly transform into days again marked by a sunrise, compile a list of the simple things that lift your spirits: A check-in text from a friend, a meal from a neighbor, the smell of warm chocolate chip cookies, the feel of sunshine on your face. Even the tiniest pinprick of light can illuminate the darkest room.
In my darkest hours, I cried out for help. And it was when I started to share my own struggles that I formed an alliance of other moms who also knew the struggle I was going through. Be vulnerable with other mothers, especially ones who are a few steps ahead of you.
Ask for help and always say yes when it’s offered. Even if you don’t feel like you need or want it. Let someone load your groceries, fold your laundry, walk your dog, or scrub your toilet for you. And It’s okay to need a therapist and/or medication. Even if just for a season.”
- Janine, mom of four
“Don’t get discouraged by unnecessary comments or advice by others who make you doubt the very fact that “there is no one else who loves your child more than you do.” Everybody needs time to love someone completely (and literally) new to their life. Nobody is born a great mom, they are simply called and molded to be one.”
- Jenny, mom of two
“Learn to accept help and ask for what you need. Make time for self care; you are more likely to engage in self-care if you can find a way to include your baby, like taking them for a walk or reading them a book. Include some form of movement every day, whether it's a walk, yoga, stretches, or some other form of exercise. Be present with your baby and take joy in the little things.
- Samantha, mom of one - Blog: www.realmotherhood.net
“I thought with my third it would be easier, that I would mentally, logically have this thing figured out and so my body would get with the game.
I broke down trying to go out to get milk for coffee. My three year old didn't want to go and my 4 month old was screaming and my husband found me in the garage sobbing because I felt like a shell of the mom I was supposed to be. I had been to my therapist the day before. I told her I knew everything WOULD be okay, future tense. And I wasn't lying, but I WAS not okay, present tense.
I booked an emergency appointment with her the following week. She looked at me so lovingly, "Olivia. If you were a diabetic, no person on earth would tell you to "gut through it" without insulin until you started to feel better. Becoming a mom again is a transformation that happens to your heart, soul and body. You have to honor, that to heal your body you are going to have to accept help; even though you feel like you should do it on your own."
- Olivia, mom of three
“After childbirth a mothers body is going through a lot of hormonal changes and it is normal to feel off and not like yourself. Give yourself time to readjust and take it day by day. For me after each of my three kids' birth, being outside in nature is the best medicine for my mental health. A walk and some fresh air can give a new perspective and boost my mood.”
- Kristina, mom of three - Blog: www.allaboutmomma.com
“Becoming a mom is an incredible experience because you are filled with love and you learn so much about who you are and what you are capable of. But, at the same time, your body is still recovering, you are undergoing hormonal changes, and you are surviving on very little sleep. So, as cliche as it sounds, I recommend letting go of the mom guilt that you should be productive every time your baby is napping. Yes, it might be unrealistic to sleep every single time your baby sleeps because the to do list is long. But, it's definitely necessary to try to get some shut eye (or even just a quiet moment to sit and relax) when you can. Please make sure to schedule it in for yourself too because it's crucial for your recovery and your mental and emotional wellbeing.”
- Sally, mom of one - Blog: www.tenderheartedteacher.com
“When you are tired, stressed, or need a lift, sometimes the only person around will be you. You need to learn the skill of self-encouragement. Be able to take a step back, and look at the reality of the situation instead of the chaos you are feeling at that moment. Learn to have a positive inner monologue!”
- Rachel, mom of three - Blog: www.approachinghome.com
I will conclude by saying this: Your needs matter, my friend. They do. The transitions you are going through upon entering motherhood are monumental. Please take the time to do what you need to do to take care of yourself physically, mentally, and spiritually. Reaching out for help is not a sign of weakness; it is an absolute sign of strength. When you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your children. They depend on you, and want to see you happy and healthy. So if you are struggling in any way - please know first and foremost, that you are not alone. There is help out there, and there is zero shame in asking for it. Please, mama, give yourself some grace. You’re doing an incredible job, and I believe in you, my friend.
If you need someone to talk to, or would like more resources on the topic, please visit www.postpartum.net or call 1-800-944-4773 (4PPD)
