36 of the Biggest Life Lessons I’ve Learned So Far
As I celebrate the completion of another trip around the sun, I am reminded of the things I hold most valuable in my life and the lessons that I’ve learned along the way. I’ve experienced some pretty extraordinary highs on this journey, while I’ve also walked through some incredibly dark valleys, that I honestly didn’t think I would make it out of. With this reminder, comes a time of pause and reflection I often find myself in as I embrace the start of a new year.
So, without further ado, here are some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my life so far (in no particular order). Every one of these is a real lesson I’ve had to personally learn, most of them the hard way, and my hope is that the wisdom I’ve gained from them can be useful to you as well, wherever you’re at in your own journey.
Life doesn’t go according to our ‘plans’ - This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing. But if we plan our life around a list of expectations for how it ‘should’ go, then we are setting ourselves up for disappointment. Learn how to embrace the ebbs and flows of how life plays out; that sometimes is not about what we want, per se, but about what we need instead. One day, we will look back at the big picture, and it will all start to make a little more sense.
Treat everyone you meet with kindness - You never know what they are going through. Oftentimes, people will put a smile on their face to cover up a deeply painful personal experience that is hard to talk about.
Never, and I mean NEVER assume anything - I can’t tell you how many times this has gotten me into trouble. It’s so easy to assume things, but the truth is, we have such a limited understanding about most situations. Accept the fact that we don’t know everything, especially about other people. Their intentions, their current reality, situations they don’t talk about openly, what is actually happening behind the scenes. So if and when the time is appropriate, just ask. It usually opens our eyes to find out things are often different than we thought they were.
A simple smile can turn someone’s day around - This can create a ripple effect far beyond your awareness.
Laugh more. Dream more. Have more fun - It’s okay to allow yourself to enjoy this one life that we get. Make it meaningful.
Progress is not linear - When I am working towards a big goal I have, I tend to get down on myself when the steps don't play out in the way I envision. But that’s just how it goes, and when I take a step back and look at the progress I’ve made, it’s still that; progress. TRUST. THE. PROCESS.
Dreams take hard work, they won’t be handed to you - In this digital age we live in, especially with exposure to “viral” videos, influencers, and successes, we believe it should work out that way for us. (Our societal obsession with instant gratification can often get us into trouble.) But the truth is, “going viral” is pretty rare. And it’s not actually what you think. Majority of the time, an “overnight success” took years of hard work to get to that point. We as consumers just don’t see that part. With hard work, dedication, consistency, and establishing a ‘why’ that’s greater than your excuses - THAT is what makes dreams actually come to fruition.
Social media is not real life - Especially if you’re a mom, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. That perfectly posed Christmas card where all the kids are smiling and looking at the camera? I can almost guarantee you there were about 76 takes before landing on this one, bribery had a role, Cocomelon was being played on a device close to the camera, or photoshop was involved. :) No one, and especially those who have kids, has a perfectly clean house that looks like it was pulled from an article in Magnolia magazine. I could give countless more examples of this from the socials; but just remember this: Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to their highlight reel. It’s not. real. life.
Not everyone is going to like you; and that’s okay - Did you know that the American classic “Gone with the Wind” is considered to be one of the best written novels of all time? And yet, only about 80% of readers enjoyed it. Whether you view it this way or not, it’s actually a good thing. Our time and energy shouldn’t be focused on serving or being liked by every person, but by the right people. In time, you might learn to appreciate this truth.
Relationships take work - like with most things in life, those that are worthwhile and meaningful don’t always come easy. The rewards from putting in the work, being intentional, learning how to communicate effectively, and understanding the needs of the people we love, will be more than worth the effort that went into it.
11. Stop forcing things that are not meant to be - it’s a waste of time and energy that could be better used elsewhere - on things that will better serve you in the long run.
12. No one can ‘do it all’ and do it well - We were built for rest just as much as we were built for productivity. The quicker you learn this, the less likely you will face serious burnout. Busyness is not a badge of honor.
13. Investing in yourself is one of the most worthwhile things you can do - self care and self-love is not selfish, its necessary.
14. There is so much more than meets the eye - When we can understand this concept at it’s very core, we will be much better off. Less offended by the friend who didn’t text back right away. Less upset by the cashier that is ‘taking forever’. Less quick to judge the mom in the park who is on her phone. When you can allow for less judgement and more understanding and grace, your viewpoint on life will change significantly.
15. Failure is part of the equation - the top athletes, authors, business executives, leaders, and influencers in the world? They didn’t get to where they are because they never failed. They got there because they failed over and over and over again, and learned something from it each time. If you want to be successful in life, embrace the fact that failure is simply part of the equation. There’s no way around it. Stop being afraid of failure! If you want to read more about this topic, I highly encourage you to read the impactful book “Chasing Failure” by Ryan Leak.
16. When faced with big decisions in your life, ask yourself: “What do I want now vs. what do I want most?” - Especially if you tend to be an impatient person at times like I can be, it’s immensely easier to choose the option that will bring a more immediate reward than to choose the thing that will better serve you in the long run. When you choose the option that might be less popular, but better aligned with who you hope to be, your future self is thanking you. Good things take time.
17. Other people will project their own insecurities, fears, anxieties, and opinions on to you - The best way to address this is to step back, and take an objective approach to what is happening. Understand that this is not about you, but about them. It can be especially believable coming from someone close to you; but you need to remember this: You are the only one who knows yourself well enough to know what is true and what is not. When you own your inner truth, you hold the power to stand up for what you believe in. No one can take that away from you.
18. Make the time - If you want something bad enough, the time to make it happen isn’t going to magically show up in your day. You need to schedule it, and make room for it. Sometimes this means cutting out an extra episode of your favorite Netflix drama. Sometimes it means rearranging things on your calendar. You are not going to ‘find the time’ for it. If It’s important enough to you, you have to make the time for it.
19. Stop comparing yourself to, or competing with others - We all are uniquely designed and gifted. There is room for every single person.
“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.”
20. You don’t always need to explain yourself or justify your decisions to anyone - They may not understand, and that is a-okay.
21. It’s okay to say “no” - We are all human beings, who have limits… and if you find yourself feeling guilty over this; see previous statement above.
22. If there’s a dream on your heart, it’s there for a reason - Stop doubting, and start believing in yourself. You actually CAN do it. It might not always be easy, but it will be 100% worth it.
23. Educate yourself - When we assume the viewpoints, opinions, political beliefs handed down to us from family members, those in authority, or sometimes even friends, we are limiting ourselves and others in several ways. Stay curious, and be open to the world around you that is so much bigger than you realize. Read, research, find out more about topics that interest, confuse, or intrigue you. The only way we can make progress in creating a better world for our future generations is to dig deep and find solutions. Not just simply pass down information that might be outdated or irrelevant.
24. Your worth is not determined by the number of ‘likes’ you receive - It is not other peoples’ responsibility to love you; it’s yours. When you learn to value yourself for who you are, and stop seeking external validation - your whole life will change.
25. Protect your peace - if someone or something is not serving you, and not contributing to your growth as a person; they/it is not worth your time. Your peace is one of your most valuable assets in life.
26. Stop being a people pleaser - it is impossible to please everyone. It is a waste of time, and it is far more harmful than you realize.
27. Everyone has different priorities in life, and that’s okay - It doesn’t make them wrong or a bad person if yours don’t align. I spent far too long being consumed by the frustration I had with someone in my life who had different priorities than me. I thought everyone should value and spend time on the same things as I did. I got to the point where I couldn’t do it anymore, and I had to let go of it. When I took a step back and really thought about lesson #14 above, it opened my eyes. Everyone’s reality is unique, and it’s not always going to look like ours. And that is perfectly okay. The freedom I’ve found in letting go has been a game-changer for my mental health.
28. People will treat you how they treat themselves - Read that again, and let it sink in.
29. Stop taking things so personally - our ego looooves to make everything about us. It’s just doing it’s job of trying to protect us. When we learn to understand that peoples’ actions and words are much more about them than they are about us, we will begin to embody empathy and grace in far greater ways than we have before. We really don’t need to take offense by every little thing that someone else did or didn’t do. (Again, see #14) If this is something you struggle with, I highly recommend gaining a better understanding of what the ego actually is. Specifically Dr. Nicole LePera’s resources surrounding “ego work”; Check out this super helpful post of hers that better explains it, along with her other fantastic work.
30. Other peoples’ opinion of you is none of your business - Stop wasting time obsessing over this, and live your own life.
31. Having a ‘fixed’ mindset about the world around you isn’t going to get you far in life - But if you choose to have a ‘growth’ mindset, I promise you this decision will transform your life in ways you’ve never thought possible. (For more on this topic, I urge you to read the book: “Mindset” by Carol Dweck.)
32. Stop worrying about all the little details in life that don’t matter in the big picture - You get one chance at this thing called life; that’s it. Don’t waste your precious time and energy worrying so much. You don’t get this time back, so please use it wisely.
33. Other people are not “thinking” about you - They are thinking about themselves. This does not make them rude or selfish; it makes them human.
34. Gaining a broader perspective of the world around you will open your eyes to so many new things and experiences.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
35. Establishing good habits and getting rid of bad ones is foundational in changing your life for the better - You’re never going to ‘feel’ like making some of those changes, but they’re a key component in the equation of building a better life. The life we create is essentially a result of our habits, both good and bad. (Read “Atomic Habits” by James Clear for a very thorough and actionable approach to sustainable habits.)
36. At the end of the day, it is up to YOU - You are the one responsible for your life. No one else can live it for you. If you want to create the life you desire, it all starts with YOU. Please take a minute to watch this powerful video by Mel Robbins.
Well, there you have it: 36 of the biggest life lessons I’ve learned so far. I’d love to know if any of these resonated with you. Let me know in the comments below!
