Finding Rhythms in the Chaos of Motherhood
When entering into a new season of life, whether it be by choice or not, I think it’s easy to become overwhelmed with all that is expected of you within that transition. These shifts in how we operate on a day-to-day basis might be small and easily manageable, or they might fall on a grander scale, in a way that can be rather challenging to navigate at first.
The most prominent example that comes to mind, is when welcoming a child into your home for the first time. It’s one of the most exciting, but sometimes terrifying experiences to go through in the journey to motherhood. You can read all the books, attend all the classes, hear all the advice from your relatives and friends, and yet feel clueless once the baby arrives and you realize there’s no manual for your precious, unique child. It’s fascinating just how many feelings, emotions and questions will run through your mind as you try to figure out this new life.
One of the biggest things I’ve learned in my experience of going through major life transitions, is the importance of finding a rhythm. Not to be confused with the idea of a ‘schedule’ or ‘routine’, but more specifically the recognition of what is working for your current lifestyle, and what is not. Deciphering if how you are handling certain situations or approaching certain relationships is done in a productive and meaningful way can take time to figure out. Learning what works best for you and those in your care is a non-linear process that happens over the course of weeks, months, or even years.
For me, finding ‘rhythm’ in my life, has been the biggest source of relief and freedom amidst the chaos that comes with motherhood. It first starts with the recognition that at times, what I am doing is no longer working, or needs to be changed in some way. And then following that up with a response. For example; performing necessary daily tasks that get interrupted by kids fighting, or running into the same problem once again because it hasn’t been addressed. These types of things tend to add stress to my already chaotic day and can lead to bad moods or outward frustration that nobody deserves.
But in recognizing the specific triggers that are sending me into a bad mental space, I've been more cognizant about how I choose to respond to the situation. A change in environment when I’ve reached my limit of too much whining has proven to be beneficial in shifting everyone’s mood. Or involving the kids in mundane tasks such as laundry or cleaning, and providing a fun, new way of doing it together. Finding rhythms also means examining how you choose to spend your time and energy and tweaking it along the way to end up on the path you ultimately want to be on. Having this awareness is key in creating real, lasting change.
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.”
Rhythms will naturally change and evolve over time, and I think it’s important to acknowledge how this occurs within the different seasons of life. In the early days of mothering a newborn, you will learn to find your footing as you very quickly discover what works and what doesn't for this new family system. And then as your baby grows, the rhythms will change as learning, growth and curiosity occur. Then, just when you think you have it figured out and have mastered your daily routine, you will be forced into new rhythms once again. It’s amazing how quickly these transitions happen within the first year or two of a child’s life, and beyond.
The most pivotal point in all of this is the fact that rhythms will be unique to each individual. When we’re able to recognize what works for us; as in what types of things help us operate as our best selves and allow us to accomplish the goals that are most important to us and our family - then we can worry less about what is deemed by others as ‘normal’ or expected. We can then embrace the fact that what works for one person, might not work for another. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It simply shows how meeting the particular needs of others, especially our children, is an incredible learning experience, and the realization of our humanity.
Transitions might come easy for some, and more difficult for others. How quickly we are able to respond to a new environment or routine should not be regarded as a measure of personal success or aptitude. Instead, I believe the most important aspect in adapting to change is to allow yourself the grace to figure it out on your own timeline, and establishing a rhythm that proves to be the most beneficial in your overall wellbeing.
When we let go of the idea of what ‘should be’ and stop comparing what works for others with what works for us, we find relief from the pressures to perform. When we honor our inner compass and listen to our intuition regarding how we best operate in our specific environment, that is where freedom is found. Honor the process and take the time to learn what makes you thrive. Trust that in time you will discover the right foundations needed to be put in place in order to propel you on the right path moving forward.
